Sunday, April 6, 2014

LOVE QUOTES: Humorous Love Quotations to Make You SMILE

The trouble with some women is that they get all excited about nothing --
and then marry him. 
~ Cher

The four most important words in any marriage..."I'll do the dishes."

The only time a woman really succeeds in changing a man is when he's a baby.
  ~ Natalie Wood

I'm always looking for meaningful one night stands. -- Dudley Moore

I never hated a man enough to give him his diamonds back

"A wise girl kisses but doesn't love, leaves before she is left and forgets
before she is forgotten." 
~ Marilyn Monroe

"Love is like a game of chess: One false move and you're mated."

If you want me to fall for you, you got to give me something worth tripping over!

Girls want a lot of things from one guy. Conversely, guys want one thing from
a lot of girls ....mmmm... it's all about Supply and Demand! 

I don't exercise. If God wanted me to bend over, he'd have put diamonds on the floor.

Whatever you may look like, marry a man your own age - as your beauty fades, 
so will his eyesight!

"A wise girl kisses but doesn't love, listens but doesn't believe, and leaves
before she is left." Marilyn Monroe

I hate housework. You make the beds, you wash the dishes and 6 months later
you have to start all over again. ~ Joan rivers

Where there are no swamps there are no frogs. German Proverb ...  (if you want Prince Charming hang out where he lives ...)

I grew up with six brothers. That's how I learned to dance - waiting to get
into the bathroom.  ~ Bob Hope  

One’s first love is always perfect until one meets one’s second love. 
~ Elizabeth Aston

"If you kiss a politician, remember this: You are not only kissing him, 
 you are kissing every butt that he has kissed in the last 8 years."

"When a man of forty falls in love with a girl of twenty, it isn't her youth
he is seeking but his own."  ~ Lenore Coffee

Trust is the most important part of a relationship. You must be 100% sure that
she won't tell your wife.

If he only wants breast, thighs, and legs. Send him to KFC!!

When you run into your ex, keep running.

The one thing women don't want to find in their stockings on
Christmas Morning is their husband.

When she's single. you have the whole world to compete with... 
When she's taken, you have only one.

Men who have a pierced ear are better prepared for marriage. 
They’ve experienced pain and bought jewelry!!

Whenever I date a guy, I think, is this the man I want my children to spend their
weekends with? ~ Rita Rudner

Marriage is the triumph of imagination over intelligence. Second marriage is the
triumph of hope over experience. 
~ Samuel Johnson

You can't put a price tag on love, but you can on all its accessories. Melanie Clark 

"I love you like pigs love not being bacon." ... (who says that romance is dead?)

"Love is the thing that enables a woman to sing while she mops up the floor
after her husband has walked across it in his barn boots."

I love Mickey Mouse more than any woman I have ever known.   ~ Walt Disney

Talk about getting old. I was getting dressed and a peeping tom looked in the window,
took a look and pulled down the shade. ~ J. Rivers

"A man in love is incomplete until he is married. Then he's finished."

“Unrequited love is the only possible way to give yourself to another without
being held in indentured servitude.” 
~ Benson Bruno

"Love at first sight is possible, but it pays to take a second look."  

Big sunglasses are an ugly guy's best friend.

"It's been so long since I made love, I can't even remember who gets tied up."
 ~ Joan Rivers

Money can't buy love, but it sure gets you a great bargaining position.

Some say love is complicated, but love is simple. It’s the people involved
that cause the problems.

How to make His Heart race! Tell him: "Don't worry, I'll cook every single night."

Love is like an hourglass, with the heart filling up as the brain empties.

Love is like playing the piano. First you must learn to play by the rules, 
then you must forget the rules and play from your heart. 

Love thy neighbor. But don't get caught.

For two people in a marriage to live together day after day is unquestionably
the one miracle the Vatican has overlooked.  ~ Bill Cosby

The husband who doesn't tell his wife everything probably reasons that 
what she doesn't know won't hurt him. ~ Leo J. Burke 

My wife tells me she doesn't care what I do when I'm away, as long
as I'm not enjoying it. ~ Lee Trevino

My husband said he needed more space. So I locked him outside.

My husband's mistress is so hairy - when she lifted up her arm
I thought it was Tina Turner in her armpit!!

Happiness is having your girlfriend's lipstick the same color as your wife's.

A dog is much like a married man, obeying his master's voice for the sake
of his master's touch. ~ Robert Brault

Wedlock is a padlock. ~ John Ray, English Proverbs 

Marriage is a three ring circus: engagement ring, wedding ring, and suffering.

To keep your marriage brimming, With love in the loving cup, Whenever
you're wrong, admit it; Whenever you're right, shut up. ~ Ogden Nash

Before marriage, a girl has to make love to a man to hold him. After marriage, 
she has to hold him to make love to him. ~ Marilyn Monroe

Newlywed Conversation: "Dear, don't expect the first few meals to be great. 
It takes time to find the right restaurant." 

Men who don’t understand women fall into two groups: Bachelors and Husbands.

To a woman the first kiss is just the end of the beginning but to a man
it is the beginning of the end. 

I was nauseous and tingly all over. I was either in love or I had smallpox. ~ Woody Allen 

Men make the highs higher and the lows more frequent.

Shopping is better than sex. At least if you're not satisfied, you can exchange it
for something you really like. ~ Adrienne Gusoff

Sex without love is an empty experience, but as empty experiences go, it's one of the best. ~ Woody Allen

Marriage changes passion - suddenly you're in bed with a relative. 

I came from a big family. As a matter of fact, I never got to sleep alone
until I was married. ~ Lewis Grizzard

Husbands are like fires. They go out when unattended.  ~ Zsa Zsa Gabor

Often the difference between a successful marriage and a mediocre one 
consists of leaving about three or four things a day unsaid.

The reason they're called the Opposite Sex is because every time you think
you have your wife fooled - it's just the opposite! ~ Walter Win

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