Thursday, April 19, 2012

Relationship success in Marriage

How To Achieve Marriage Relationship Success:

"It's sad for many to see how a marriage relationship can fall apart. It almost always starts off with such promise and before you know it, the relationship is headed for the rocks. There are those that say it is inevitable, that a marriage relationship just isn't meant to last. Personally, I don't agree with that. I think a marriage can last and thrive.

I'm not talking about the couple who brag that they've been married for X number of years but can't stand the sight of each other. I'm talking about a strong, respectful, loving relationship that lasts through the curve balls life throws at us.


I absolutely believe that that type of relationship is possible but I also don't believe it's magic or that it happens by accident. I think that to have that type of relationship there are several key ingredients that need to be there.

Ideally, these ingredients will be there right from the start, but if not, both of the people in the marriage are mature enough to be willing to make whatever changes that need to be made. Here are the "magic ingredients" that I think can make a marriage last forever:

1. Have compatibility: Sounds like a no brainer, doesn't it? But think about it for a minute, how many couples have you known that just are too different to make a relationship work? Most of us can think of several couples right off the top of our heads who are obviously not compatible. They have different views on everything. They are constantly bickering and arguing over the simplest of things. Not compatible. #1

People often get together for the wrong reasons; sexual attraction or just loneliness and desperation. When that happens no one stops to figure out if they are a good match.  If you want a happy marriage, marry someone you have a lot in common with. Someone you can like and respect and someone who will like and respect you too. #2

2. Be mature: Again, obvious, but too many people do and say such immature things. Again, from your own experience, how many people do you know who just don't seem to be able to effectively communicate their wants and needs? They will pout, whine, dish out the silent treatment, act like a child, but they can't seem to really communicate with others.

3. Try to jettison most of your baggage: Too many people just don't seem to be willing to move on from some past hurt. They keep hanging onto it as if it is some sort of treasured possession - it's not. Let it go. If you keep hanging on to your old baggage you will inevitably keep repeating the same mistakes. Who wants that?

That is not the way to make any relationship work, especially a marriage. To make your marriage work, be an adult and marry an adult. So, to make a marriage relationship strong and healthy, keep these things in mind. If you are already married try to make some changes and your partner will too when they notice the changes in you."


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Footnote by MLHua:
#1 - compatibility is more than just sharing similar tastes or preferences in recreation, etc. Many couples are very successful in their marriage even though they come from very different backgrounds and share just a few interests. The secret is being compatible in the more important aspects of life ie. your underlying values. Serious incompatibilities in these areas can cause major rifts, often not bridgeable, eg. religious or political views, child-rearing policies, spousal inequalities, etc.

#2  - it's important to like and respect your partner, as a Friend and even Best Friend, as you will be spending more and more time out of bed rather than in bed as during the honeymoon stage of your relationship. It's not easy to make a marriage work if you cannot tolerate your partner outside of the bedroom. This dimension of the relationship will provide a strong base that will allow your marriage to mellow into a mature, stable love beyond the physical (after the initial, heady and intense, hormonal-phase has been and gone) that will transcend time and problems that crop up from time to time as they will in anyone's life.

It is important to address these issues in your marriage to prevent a complete breakdown in communication and therefore to the very real possibility of infidelity and / or divorce. 

In saying this, I assume that you do not wish to be severed from your spouse long term but wish to save and secure your marriage even if you are not especially satisfied with it currently. 




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