Tuesday, May 8, 2012

Older Women Dating Younger Men: The Pros & Cons of Cougar Dating

Older Women Dating Younger Men - The Pros and Cons:

There are a lot of unwritten rules about what's socially acceptable and what isn't. One of those rules dictates how close in age a dating couple should be, and gender also has a part in that rule. Most people don't bat an eyelid if an older man dates someone much younger, but older women dating younger men seems to put those same people in a state of shock.

Why it's okay for one arrangement and not the other is the source of much debate. Perhaps it has something to do with the perception of power; maybe a younger woman is looking for the security that an older man can provide (after all, men do take longer to mature); or maybe it's the accepted 'norm' entrenched in society at a time before woman's emancipaton.


The reason for bringing this up is that older women dating younger men will often run into funny looks and hushed comments when they are out on a date. That shouldn't stop you from dating someone that you care about, but it is good to be aware that such a reaction can and does happen.

Does any of that matter if the man is younger than the woman? In a perfect world it wouldn't cause any problems and people would only judge the relationship on how much the two people cared about each other. But the reality is that the larger the age discrepancy, the more stares and whispers you will receive.

Nothing says that you have to let it bother you, and you really shouldn't. However, if you have a thin skin it's a good idea to have a few comebacks ready to go for when somebody butts into your business.

That covers the societal implications, but there are also practical things to consider. The larger the age gap, the trickier it may be to find common interests. For example, the older woman may really like to go out dancing to rock and roll music, whereas the younger guy may prefer sitting home playing video games, or vice-versa. You may have to make some compromises along the way, and that's okay. The key is to be realistic about finding things to do together. You should both be having a good time, so plan accordingly.

If there is a large age difference then you may be more captivated by the novelty than anything else. That doesn't mean you don't have feelings for each other, but you need to be ready to handle the situation once the novelty is gone.

Another problem that increases as the age gap widens is having a common frame of reference. What that means is that even though you may share some interests, you both may look at them completely differently. This can work for against older women dating younger men, but it doesn't have to be a major issue if you understand what's going on. Besides, love doesn't discriminate so age is only a problem if you make it one.




Postnote: 
There are many happy couples around where the woman is up to 12 years older than their husbands so it is possible to find partners with a large age gap and still achieve a successful, healthy relationship (when the 'shoe is on the other foot' ie. where the woman is older than the man). 

However if the age gap is significantly larger than this eg. 20 years or more then the risk of drifting apart as time goes by becomes higher as the differences become much more difficult to bridge, and as the older partner starts to show signs of aging or slowing down.

Find out how to date Cougars!
 
This is not to say that all people slow down as they age, and some are very good at halting or slowing the biological clock when it comes to their looks and energy levels.  However at some stage this will catch up. In the end it will boil down to whether the bond is strong enough to transcend this or whether the younger partner starts to become restless and seek someone with similar interests and activity, physical and sexual energy.  

For the older partner it pays to have a younger outlook on life so you can share your partner's life more and bond better. Just don't be bitter if it happens ... be prepared to let go without falling apart. (Tip: if you think this process will be too difficult to handle at an older, more vulnerable age then perhaps you should consider seriously before heading in this direction and find someone your own age.) This is a fact of life and has a high probability of happening whether the much older partner is male or female, where the differences grow more pronounced with time over the course of the relationship or marriage.

If the relationship is a casual or short-term one then such considerations may not be necessary. And you can enjoy the moment without worrying about the future. The important point is: what are your goals when you date? Is it to find a life partner or is it casual?  Your answer will guide you to the right path ... if you seek long term relationships then avoid casual dating and vice versa. The only snag is that sometimes people 'fall in love' (when they are supposed to be casual) and that can put a spanner in your works if the 'apple of your eye' does not have the potential to be a long-term candidate.  

When it comes to Love, use your Head ... before you lose your Heart!

Find out how to date Cougars!




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