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If you genuinely wish to reconcile with your Ex you need to Forgive or learn to Forgive. This is a very hard thing to do especially if they have cheated on you. But if you cannot forgive then your relationship cannot move forward as this resentment will boil over eventually and in the meantime it will taint everything else.
So how do you Forgive? If your ex has strayed or hurt you in other ways prior to the break-up you need to be willing to overlook what they have done in order to move on, heal yourselves and save the relationship. You have to let go the resentment totally, because any remnant will spread like a cancer and eventually drive one of you away.
Your forgiveness has to be genuine because true forgiveness means you won't be rehashing their past transgressions each time you have a disagreement or argument over other issues in the future. If you cannot bury the past, your constant resentment and reference will reopen old wounds and it is very likely that hurtful things will be said and this will further damage your already fragile relationship.
Forgiving does not mean that you have forgotten their bad judgment calls and character weakness. As the forgiving party you will need to dig deep into your internal reserve to call out the magnanimous you so that you can forgive such a deep and hurtful wound that cheating inflicts on the family (cheating affects everyone including the kids if you have a family).
You may need to assess if you can live like this, and the effects on the the rest of the family if you have one. It may not be as easy as it seems. If they have cheated once they could cheat again. If they have left their first spouse for you, there is a risk they could leave you for a new partner in the future.
On the other hand for those relationships that have survived affairs, the results have been very good and couples have stayed strong together for the long term. Your success will depend on how deep both your commitments are to each other as a unit.
If you decide to give love a second chance and to win back lost love, then try to reveal the "you" they fell in love with, and not the “you” that has been dumped. Your Ex came to you because you have certain outstanding qualities such as kindness and thoughtfulness, and not because you were angry, jealous or hurt. While you may not be able to conceal the hurt entirely for now, focus on being the best "you" that you can possibly be. This way you may yet win back lost love by reminding them powerfully why they loved YOU in the first place! When the stakes are high (your happiness is at stake) get expert help without delay.
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