Read on ...
* do it before dessert, that way you won't have coffee in your lap!
* If you hear a click-click noise behind you from your ex, after you announce you are breaking up, zig, zag, drop, roll !!
* have an escape plan ready, preferably something small and fast ... next to the exit door.
You Broke Up Because ...

* You were asked to be more affectionate, so you went out and got another girlfriend.
* You were right, but they were Righter!
* You realised you preferred your Dog's company to them.
* You love shopping with them - "That one looks great on you"
(= Pick any freakin' dress and let's go home!)
* You love shopping with them - "I like that one better."
(= Pick any freakin' dress and let's go home!)
* You love shopping with them - "Uh huh"
(= Pick any freakin' dress and let's go home NOW!)
* Of little issues like ... "Yes, I like the way you cut your hair."
(= $50 and it doesn't look that much different)
* Of big issues like ... "Yes, I like the way you cut your hair."
(= For $50 they should have GIVEN you hair!)
What They Really Mean ...
* Him: "I want you back" .. for tonight anyway
* Her: "I like you but" ... I don't like you.
* Her: " I just need some space" ... without you in it!
* Her: "No, pizza's fine" ... cheap bastard!
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